two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
