I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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