the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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