maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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