The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
