would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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