Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Randomize
