Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
