I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
