if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
