If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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