am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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