Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
