He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
