I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
