Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
