so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
