I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
