I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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