I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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