my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
birth control should be required to get into college
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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