there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I AM VODKA MAN
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize