She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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