You were right. It hurts to walk today.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
