i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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