Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
