I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
