so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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