So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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