I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
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