It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
