they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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