OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
