he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
