apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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