Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
