the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
