i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
