Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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