Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
