If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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