may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Randomize
