life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
