I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
