Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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