I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize