Where did you get a picture of my penis
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
