It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
