He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
