"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
