i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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