i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
