This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
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