You smell like a Billy Joel song
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
