Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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