9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
