he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize