i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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