Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
whose parrot is this?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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