Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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