I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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