im drinking this country out of the recession.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
