I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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