the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
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