Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
