I hope mine doesn't look like that
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Randomize
