i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Randomize