i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
