is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
