I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Randomize
