its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
