Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
