She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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