my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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