Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
