It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
My life is pants optional.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
