I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
