just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Randomize
