Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Buhtt sex?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
