the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
splinters make it hard to masturbate
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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