I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Randomize
