feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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