somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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