Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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