So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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