my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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