maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
