you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I have tasted many bathrooms
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize