His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
