I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
