You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
