it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
