Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
