yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
