In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
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