i jhust puked up my retainher.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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