Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
But break dance skills will only take you so far
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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