i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
