I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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