WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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