i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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