I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
