last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
