So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
