my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I just forgot I was standing up.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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