the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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