I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
