plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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