I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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