im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
