What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
