So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
