I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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