Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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