I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
