No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
