This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
