If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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