chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
She's like a pop up book from hell.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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