I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
