i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
