This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Randomize
